...where there was nature and earth, life and water, I saw a desert landscape that was unending, resembling some sort of crater, so devoid of reason and light and spirit that the mind could not graspe it on any sort of conscious level and if you came close the mind would reel backward, unable to take it in. It was a vision so clear and rean and vital to me that in its purity it was almost abstract. This was what I could understand. this was how I lived my life, what I constructed my movement around, how I dealt with this tangible. This was the geography around which my reality revolved: it did not occur to me, ever, that people were good or that man was capable of change or that the world could be a better place through one's talking pleasure in a feeling or a look or a gesture, of receiving another person's love or kindness. Nothing was affirmitive, the term "generosity of spirit" applied to nothing , was a cliche, was some kind of bad joke. Sex is mathmatics. Indivisually no longer an issue. What does intelligence signify? Define reason. Desire-meaningless. Intellect is not a cure. JUstice is dead. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt anymore. Reflection is useless, the world is senseless. Evil is its only permanence. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in...this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged...